doubting everything in me

by Lolly

Things have started to be better, financially. I have some projects going on, I don’t really have to worry so much about money for the next couple of months. I think.

What’s funny is, though, no matter how good things have become, I would still find a way to have self-doubt.

No matter how hard I work and no matter how difficult I try, I would still find a way to beat myself up.

What’s really strange is that I recently found that some people admire me for being brave, for taking action, for choosing the road less traveled. I never thought I deserve that kind of admiration, really. I don’t believe what they said either, sounded more like lip service to me.

My boyfriend adores me so much, never forgets to tell me how proud he is for me. On the other side, I really really can’t understand what’s it about me to love. Nothing about me is extraordinary, really.

I am happy, don’t get me wrong. But there is this void inside me that keeps telling me that I’m not enough. I wonder, what it is that makes it so hard for me to love myself.