The fall

by Lolly

I spent the entire day with my parner. When he was going home, i felt my heart sunk a little bit. I took a shower. I wore my sheet mask. I ordered some food. I tried to watch Narcos, but the show failed to interest me.

I scrolled through my instagram feed and found that my favorite couple just got enganged today, after a 7 year relationship. Suddenly I was afraid of my future, i started seeing no future with my partner. Things have been going great, but today I find myself feeling numb. Even after being intimate with each other, i still find that something is missing. The last 7 days I started feel the boredom. I’ve seen relationships so bad that I feel like me and my partner are different. We are good and we’re going to be okay, i thought.

But we’re not, now. Our future feels blurry, I can’t see the picture of us in the future. I feel like a blind person guiding a blind person. I feel lost, not just in relationship, but also in other aspects of my life. 

Tonight, I started crying for no reason. For the first time in months, I just feel so lonely. Maybe my depression fase will start soon. I dont know how to prepare myself for this.