so many insecurities, so little time.

by Lolly

These days I found my self crying as soon as i got home, for no reason. I honestly have no idea why i cry a lot. I don’t know how I am able to produce such amount of tears and I’m scared that maybe, maybe I am depressed. I get sad a lot and sometimes I cry so hard i need to find way to breathe. And I cry tears over every single little thing. I cry over a short paragraph of a light novel, over a good song, over a short text message, over a pic of pupper, over missing my significant other, over loneliness, over boredom, over little argument, over tiredness, over everything. I can find reasons to be sad, over anything. I have even given up looking for happiness. There’s no point in looking for something that does not exist to begin with; something that is just a myth; something that doesn’t belong to me. Every time I get joyful, this self can find every possible reason to keep the happiness away. Sometimes I believe I’m so unworthy of being loved, that I’m not good at anything and that nobody will ever want to be with me. Sometimes I’m scared my boyfriend will find out how deep a mess I actually am.

Maybe he already knew.

Maybe he will leave me soon.