bulan kesembilan tahun 2015

by Lolly

I learned that people come and they can, inevitably, go.

People come and go.

If they want to be near you, they will stay with you.

If they don’t think you are friend worthy, they would stay the hell out of you.

Bear in mind that they themselves choose to go , so there is nothing you can do, Lolly.

There is really nothing you can do.

Another thing I learned in life is that, maybe I shouldn’t really expect too high of my friends. They are human they do and say(!) lots of stupid things and so do you and sure they can be hurtful and you aren’t really sure how much your friends mean them;

but you start inevitably doubting them.

you start questioning how much of true friends they can be;

from “do you truly care” to “are you sure you are really my best friend, bc i’m not feeling it at this moment”, you realized you are disappointed. You can’t really help it.

You think they see you as someone attractive, someone lovable, someone smart, someone joyful to be with, someone worthy (bc you know you are, for gods sake you’ve known yourself much longer before they first learned your name) and when they speak what they truly think of you (which is truly different from this image of yourself you have in mind) , you can’t help anything but pure disappointment.

All self-belief you stick to your head about yourself starts to fall apart.

You begin to doubt yourself too.

Friends should make us be better right? Friends should bring out the best in each other. I thought friends are supposed to make us feel better about ourselves, am i wrong? When things start to fall apart, you know you can always have your besties near you.  They will be there. You know that if you start to mentally judge yourself in mind, at least you are this sure they will not do that. They believe in you, bc they know your real value and they know you are good. In a nutshell, they love you and you can very much feel their love. as simple as that.

If friends don’t make you feel such thing, let alone make you cry for half an hour for shits they (probably) say unintentionally, what should you really call them, then?

can anyone enlighten me here, bc i’m really not experienced in this kind of thing. I trust my closest ones truly. When I love, I trust. All my life i have been doing that and everything been quite okay.

It has been okay until I reached age 20, I guess.

maybe i shouldn’t have been this naive. (ya elah, kemana aja lu, Lol?)

ha ha ha ha

to summarize, what is one important life lesson here, Lolly?

trust no one but yourself.

thanks, life. very much appreciated.